how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
