im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
