its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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