I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
