Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
