By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
