Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
