Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
