I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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