I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize