he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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