im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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