Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
