How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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