i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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