A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
