there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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