I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
