My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
