It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
