I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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