i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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