How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
