she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
