She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
