they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
