can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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