you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
