How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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