wanna go halves on a baby?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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