Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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