Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize