You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
