well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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