Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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