Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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