I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
