when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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