You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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