thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Let's paint friendship bongs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
