just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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