There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize