I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
