So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
