Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
