Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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