Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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