The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
