i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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