girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
