I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They took my balls.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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