My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
