I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
