You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
