Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
