as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i came on her dog
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
