y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
