I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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